Today was really life changing for me and it’s not every day that I can say that. I’m in the northwest for business leadership meetings and today was day one. It’s not just any leadership meeting though, we’re learning to lead like Jesus from the greatest leader of all time.
One of the things I typically dread in these kinds of meetings is the interactive activity. And what do you know, they started us out with one by having us change tables asking us to sit with people we didn’t know.
Here I was with strangers. Whew I thought.
That is until it came time to talk about the ugly. It’s the ugly that can plague you and me. Pride and fear.
I don’t know if you subscribe to one of these, but I’ve had an attachment to fear all of my life. We’ve had this love hate thing going on since time began.
I’ve been talking about ‘it’ and somewhat aware of ‘it’ for the past five years but not really focused on ‘it’.
Maybe I thought it’d go away by virtue of the other things God was busy doing in my life.
But today he brought it front and center.
In our activity I stood with strangers. We were all to step inside the circle we had formed to claim the one thing we could identify with more, pride or fear and to talk a bit about how it may have edged God out of our life.
I stepped forward and it came right out of my mouth, I was talking with little emotion but it just flowed smoothly like rolling lava.
I admitted to twelve strangers that I have struggled with fear, thinking that I was unlovable and not good enough.
Raw and real I said it. The words coming out of me were red hot, but it felt good to say it out loud, and to believe it and to really acknowledge my wrong thinking about me and God.
After I voiced this realization I was overcome by relief and joy.
The darkness of my own heart revealed a lifetime of deceit, I have believed I was not good enough.
This fear has raised it’s ugly head more times than I can count and has informed almost every decision I’ve ever made in my 40 year life.
For too many years I have acted out of fear and conversely I’ve caused a lot of it myself and others. Believing this lie has kept me from being the person God wants me to be.
If I’m transparent with myself, I see that many times I’ve edged God out (EGO) due to my own assumption that I’m not up to par.
When actually the truth is that God says that I’m priceless, that he loves me, flaws and all and that there’s not one thing that I could do that make him love me more.
Even though I’ve made countless mistakes He loves me, just like you may love your kids. And no matter how unworthy I think I am, I am loved more than I could ever imagine.
God sent his only son to die for me on the Cross. That is love.
And it is this unconditional love that makes up the difference in me and has changed my entire perspective. Because of God’s love I can live without this fear of not being loveable. I can finally let this go because I am so greatly loved and I know that I know, that I know that I am.
Today was like a coin that has been jammed in the Coke machine and it finally makes it’s way all the way down to release a Coke out to you.
I can be free of me, my own wrong thinking about me and God and I can finally be free to love others fully and to serve them.
Whether it’s fear or pride that taunts you, love has everything to do with how you love others in any capacity.
As for me, I choose to rely on the love God has for me and to live in His love everyday. The love that has not given up on me and the love that is changing me for the better.
Because of God’s great love for me, God made me alive with Christ even when I was dead in transgressions—it is by grace I have been saved. Eph 2: 4-5
Reference: Lead Like Jesus