At the kitchen table I uttered the words, “I don’t trust you”, as though to draw a line in the sand asking God to cross it and show me otherwise. In my honest prayer I asked him to show me what it looks like to trust him when everything inside of me wants to take matters into my own hands. After all God, I’ve done that before and you and I both know that I’ve mastered that skill my whole life.
It’s been a tough week. The attacks have come on every level possible this week with the emotional floodgates opening at level Mock 3. I’m in conflict in every area possible.
This was week one of a six-week study I’m doing called In the Wait. So far it’s a great study- you’re saying…sure, right, it sounds great Trace.
I ran across the book on a whim, randomly so I thought. But in God’s economy there is no randomness. He knew I needed this and I needed it right now.
Along with the book came an on line community, a group to study with. It’s my first time to do something like this. So in the group there is 100 women from all states, even Canada. Everyone gets to share comments, feedback and what God’s showing them.
We’re all waiting for something. Be it a baby, Mr. Right, getting out of debt, healing, or that job.
As I struggled this week to get my head above the flood waters that I’m certain evil intended for my demise and eventual drowning to cause me to close the book for good, words from the it rang loud like the sirens of first responders.
After I blurted those honest words out to God, I felt weird, like I was disrespectful. But the truth is, God can handle my feelings. As with anyone, honesty with God keeps the path of communication open.
In the meantime, I’ll keep praying and shooting God straight. I’ll wait in expectation for his strength, his direction, all in his timing.
Even though it’s hard and God is stretching me to believe Him and trust Him, God is my deal and that is all.
I am creating something new. Do you see it?
I have put roads in deserts, streams in thirsty lands. Isaiah 43:19