If I hear Bing Crosby one more time, I think I just might pluck the jingle from the bells. Yep, that’s me. Miss Bah Hum Bug.
The tree’s been decorated for weeks. I sang the songs at the sing along. My best buds joined me for my annual Christmas brunch. I’ve baked cookies and wrapped every gift I’m giving this year and I’ve watched every special there is.
But I’m no more in the Christmas spirit than I was in July.
The only thing that is in true Christmas form is the color of my nose, it’s as red as the reindeer’s. I’ve been under the weather for the last 25 days and on a steady diet of Zyrtec and Flonase with a side of Kleenex.
With just 10 days to go, glancing through Facebook leaves me, well, feeling lacking in cheer and full of shame this holiday.
From the looks of it everyone has a Macy’s style tree and is posing with friends and family in front of perfect light displays. Even though my heart longs to feel joy like that at Christmas time, I’m light years away from it.
My tree looks like something straight out of A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Even though I dream of belonging to a family, a close, loving family, I still mourn the loss of having a disconnected family that is far, far from June and Ward Cleaver.
When my head takes jurisdiction over my heart, I know that no family is perfect. Deep down I know exactly what I need.
Yet still, the Christmas spirit evades me like a falling star in the sky.
There’s no spirit that any sing-along, Peanuts TV special, gift giving, cookie baking, tree decorating can give me. But I know who can give me that spirit.
My God in Heaven can. He can fill those empty places in my heart. He can fill those lonely spots. Those parts of me that long for a family who knows me, really, really knows me and we all get along.
Perspective is what I need. Perspective of the life I do have, the life I’ve been given.
I may not have the family I want, but I have people that genuinely love me.
Allergies may be getting me right now, but that’s temporary. I’m active and live without pain.
The truth is that my heart has deviated from the real meaning of Christmas.
The reality is that I have more than I could ever ask for. And on this Advent, I realize that things may not be the way I expect them to be, but I do have a choice.
I can stay focused on what I don’t have and miss Christmas and the moments of joy it brings. Or I can choose to see what I do have, what gifts God has blessed me with; talent, skills, people, friends, a puppy and great health.
Amber C. Haines says it best, “I can relish the time while looking back and hoping forward”.
This Christmas season I choose to focus on the wonders of God’s creation and all that I’ve been freely given. And be thankful.