I Didn’t Sign Up For This

Sweet friend I met at an outdoor concert.

The elevator door opened and she stood right in front of me, frazzled, holding two heavy bags and a cup of coffee. I asked her how she was doing as we traded places on the elevator. Dropping her bags, keys and setting it all on the elevator floor she said, “I didn’t sign up for this”! And her eyes welled up with tears.

In that brief moment she went on to tell me how she didn’t sign up to be a single mom of two. The juggling of life had worn her down that morning. And in that moment I empathized with her, but I couldn’t relate. And then the words of Jeremiah 29:11 echoed in my head, For I know the plans that I have for you,’ says the Lord, ‘plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope.

I encouraged my friend and reassured her that she was a great mom and doing the very best she could, punched the button for her floor and the doors closed. Then the conversation began in my head.

There it was. News flash to me! For 20 years I’ve wanted to be married, have a home and to be living the ‘couples life’. Well none of that has come to pass. No marriage. No house. No ‘couples life’. And certainly no kids (thank you God!). Honestly, my life is not what I had planned or what I had hoped for. I guess you could say, I didn’t sign up to be single all of my life, well thus far.

I didn’t sign up to do life on my own, to navigate the waters, to make the hard choices all by myself. I never wanted to set out on this thing called life, starring down the barrel alone. I always thought I’d meet that person, wear the dress down the aisle and there we’d live, happily ever after, together. Well, I can’t tell you how truly blessed I am that it never did happen, to the wrong person, in the wrong way. My hectic over-scheduled life is of my own making and I am really happy about that. With this thinking going on in my mind, part of me felt very grateful because really and truly I might crumble under the immense responsibility that I think it is, taking care of and raising two other human beings. I’m enough for me to handle right now.

Then I circled back to Jeremiah 29:11. See Tracy, God does have a plan for you, just like he has a plan for my friend. He’s got it all planned out and he’ll never abandon me, and he won’t abandon my friend. At that moment I considered it a great blessing that I’ve never married and never had any little people. Though it has taken me a long time to accept that my life has not turned out the way I had planned it. It’s turned out better. Thankfully God has THE plan!

My life is tremendously sweet and full. I wouldn’t change a thing. God has plans to give you and me a future so wonderful; I believe this with all of my heart. My life may not be full with a husband, kids, or that ‘couples life’, but it’s full of goodness, love, adventure, and joy. And what is better than that?

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